It feels like a whole new world.
Nothing’s changed or different, only me.
It’s so strange, I’m continuing with the same basic plan: law school as back-up, film career, somehow, something, film! Art! I want it! I will make it! I will start building my foundation. But suddenly the inner turmoil that’s been churning my insides into a sticky, gummy froth, that’s stricken my body, my mind in a paralysis of bitter indecision is gone! Vanquished! Vaporized! I feel free! I feel so blissfully full. Right. At Peace. Serenity. Like the perfect alignment of a broken porcelain cup. Super-Crazy glue tight. Snug.
Secure.
I’ve found it. This is my purpose.
I’m filled with a joy (and 24 hour energy drink) -- a euphoria that’s spreading over into everything else. Suddenly I want to do my best in everything. Even non-film related. S4S, clubs, school, contacts, TGIF. I want to make them proud of me. I want to be proud!
To think only hours before I was slumped in a corner, weeping on the floor of the handicapped bathroom. Only hours before, I was pacing around the base of a tree planter screaming and crying into my phone in public.
What a wreck!
I asked my mother, am I making a bad decision?
She told me, I don’t know. Only time can tell. Prove me wrong.
You need to follow your heart.
One-hundred-percent.
I will return my contract to the UCDC program along with my formal resignation tomorrow.
This summer, I take production classes!
4.23.2010
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